her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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