i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
