Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
