Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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