she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
