I want to have your abortion
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
