Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
