Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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