so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
