WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
