when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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