I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
