should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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