I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize