Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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