Nicole vs. Life
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
