At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just gargled with NyQuil
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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