I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
