I just saw a hot homeless man
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
