Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
