two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
