the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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