I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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