yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
