He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
