His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize