In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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