In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
