And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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