The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
