I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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