Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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