i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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