At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
