nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
