the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
