literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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