He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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