the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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