Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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