I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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