If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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