i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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