there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
