She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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