can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
