Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
