don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it glows. i had to have it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
