Girls should come with a carfax report
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I deserve this hangover.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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