it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
