like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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