so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
