This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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