I skipped work to stalk him.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
