Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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