I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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