What a fucking waste of an outfit
We need to rekindle our bromance
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
