I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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