Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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