Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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