why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
