my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
