i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
