super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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