i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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