Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
