i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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