my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need moral support for this bender
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
