my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
