i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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