halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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