I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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