Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
