so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i barfeds in our rink
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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