He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
