Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
