sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
