I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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