i jhust puked up my retainher.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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