just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
