this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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