i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
