some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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