I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
