I feel like I'm in dance class right now
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
