This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
