Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
