Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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