Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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