i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
